Never Have I Ever

Took a little thirty minute trip to Germany today. On the treadmill that is. The treadmills at our gym have screens in which you can choose from a few different courses to hike/run. Bryce Canyon Utah, The Shasta Mountain range in California, parts of New Zealand, and one of my faves, Germany. Lately I've been hesitant to venture outside for a walk or run with the recent snowfall. And then there's also the issue of the fact that I've been wearing the same work-out gear since....well...it's been a minute. Dave and I stopped into a couple of stores over the week-end to get me some new work-out threads. I'm just not excited about spending so much on something that is going to get so sweaty ya know? So I ran into Ross Dress for Less and grabbed three bottoms and a top all for the price of less than one pair of LuLuLemon bottoms. Never, have I ever, owned a pair of lululemon anythings. I'm too afraid it'll be like good chocolate. Once you've had the good stuff you can never settle for anything else!

I crank my air-pod volume, and both the incline and speed of the treadmill and I'm on my way. To Germany. The best part of exercise for me personally isn't necessarily the benefit to my body, but to my brain. About halfway in, I can feel my mind finally letting go of pent-up tensions or things that have irritated me or even made me upset or sad. That good ol' release of endorphins. Those little "feel-good" chemicals in our body that seem a little elusive mid-winter.

I was only thirteen years old the summer I went to Germany. My Aunt and her then-husband were expecting their third little boy. Three under three. She could use a little "mother's helper", and I loved babies! Win win! The only thing was....I was expected to stay a full year. My uncle was in the Air Force and stationed in Bitburg. I would attend the Base High School, and attend church and the church youth programs there on the Base as well. After discussing it a length with my parents with the clear understanding it would be a whole year, my grand-parents purchased the round-trip air-fare.

I said my good-byes to all my friends and family. My mother had sewed me a new dress to wear on the flight. I used her old luggage that her parents had purchased for her when she went away to college as a young girl. I packed like the Arizona girlI was. Shorts, t-shirts, a pair of jeans (for school) a couple of dresses (for church) and a coat (just in case).

Packed to the gills. When I arrived in Germany the suit case had popped open. I just stood at the luggage carousel watching it go around around and around while I cried. (No one had warned me about jet-lag, or a thing called customs)

My grand-parents and parents made the car-trip with me to Los Angeles, California. That's where my international flight would be departing from. We stayed overnight in L.A. with my other aunt Juliana who was a flight attendant for TWA. Never had I ever seen the ocean before. She would be going with us to the airport in the morning and promised a small detour to go see the ocean beforehand. It was so foggy, that all that was visible was the shore. "I'll be flying over that ocean soon..." Never had I ever flown in an airplane.

We made it to the airport with plenty of time for us to sit at the gate and visit and watch a few planes taking off and landing. I felt as though I could have flown all the way to Europe on the butterflies in my stomach.

Yes. This used to be a thing! Your loved ones could actually go with you to your gate and stay until you boarded your flight and watch your plane take through the large glass windows. Also. Can we have a little moment for my shoes?! Cork soles and leather straps. Why oh why didn't I keep them?! And also...my mother's make-up case. And the handsome man next to me? My precious grandfather Ted Woolley. All the heart eyes!

My Aunt got special clearance to walk with me to the plane and even get me settled into my seat. Love her! But also....the trend of dressing up for a long international flight coach class?! That should NEVER come back! (I'm thinking some lululemons would be a better choice here. Not that I would know)

One last pic before saying goodbye! The older lady next to me and her husband were German. That made for some riveting conversation. As in zero. Also...I reached into the seat-pocket in front of me and found a small bottle of white wine. Apparently it came standard with the flight. But never had I ever had a sip of alcohol. Nor since. I gave my bottle to her :)

The plane took off and momentarily left my stomach behind. Do I cry? Do I laugh? Do I chat with my travel companion? (Oh yeah....I don't sprechen sie deutsch) A few hours later the sun was nearly gone from the sky and I notice the plane descending slowly over nothing but miles of green trees. "Wow! Not too bad!" I thought. The stewardess announced that we'd be landing in Boston, Massachusetts for a small layover and thanks for flying with them today. "What??!! What's a layover?!" I followed the plane-full of passengers and just did what they did. I asked the lady at the gate what a layover was and what I should do. She said it would only be about forty five minutes and probably be best for me to stay right there at the gate until the next flight left. I was a statue. Did. Not. Move. If you know me, you know I get lost so very easily.

I don't remember much else about the second leg of the flight. Only that any time food was offered to me, I didn't feel like eating but sleeping. And oh so much cigarette smoke. 1979. I think there were "smoking sections" on planes? But ya know. There's a bit of drift. I slept off and on fitfully; too tired to eat. Too tired to sleep. Just so tired. I was counting the hours until I could walk off the plane and into the arms of my loving auntie.

Customs. Never had I ever heard of the term "Customs". Our plane landed in Holland. I rubbed my eyes and looked out the window. "So this is Europe! All I have to do now is walk off this plane and then my aunt will take me to her home and I can finally go to bed!" I followed the other passengers down the aisle carrying my little make-up case in one hand and my purse on my shoulder. I expected she would be right at the gate just like every time we'd gone to the airport as a family to pick my Aunt Juliana up from one of her flights. We got to the end of the gate. No Jan. No anyone! No one was waving hello or hugging anyone! Nothing. Just brisk walking. Lots of brisk walkers walking briskly to I had no idea where. And I sure couldn't understand anything anyone was saying. I clutched my purse tightly to my side as instructed by my grandmother (it held my passport), and tired as I was, tried to keep up with a the brisk walkers.

Eventually, up ahead I saw luggage carousels. Oh yeah! My suitcase! I gotta get my suitcase! (but where oh where was my aunt!) I recognized some of my fellow passengers standing at a certain carousel so I stood at the same one. I watched for my mother's large white hard-shell suit-case to show up. There it is! I see it! But for some reason I have no strength to reach out and grab it. So I let it go around again. I can't believe how incredible weak and tired I feel. Almost paralyzed. So not knowing what else to do I just stood there and cried. What was wrong with me?! Where was my Auntie?! Why am I so tired?! A warm hand touched my shoulder. "Sweetie? Can I help you?" I looked up at a woman standing there with her daughter. American. I tried to steady my voice "Ummm I am just trying to get my suitcase and it's going around too fast and I can't find my Aunt and Uncle and I don't know what I'm supposed to do...."

"Well, she said, let me just grab it for you here real quick and then we'll help you find your aunt and uncle. Don't you worry, we'll stay right here with you until you find them!" We walked around a bit and as we approached a large wall with large windows we saw a crowd of people looking through the windows. Looking for arriving passengers. Passengers going through that thing called "Customs"! Never had I ever heard of Customs in relation to travel

There was my aunt holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers! So beautiful! And so very pregnant! I threw myself into her arms with such relief. Welcome to Holland she said! They had brought their van and a little tent and we'd be staying a few days in Holland before making the drive to the AirForce base in Bitburg, Germany. She had set up a whole day of activities. A tour of some wind-mills, a canal ride, a bus tour. All I could do was struggle to keep my eyes open.

All of these photos are from prints I'd taken with my little Kodak instamatic. They have faded over these decades, but I rather love the dreamy quality of them.

We ate such delicious food while in Holland. The simplest food. Yoghurt, cheese, baguettes, fruit.

Eventually, we made the drive to Germany. The Air-Force Base was located in such a beautiful area. After I got my sleep schedule straightened out, my aunt took me to visit with our church youth leader. I attended my first youth meeting the following week and had a small group of instant friends. Some of whom I am still in touch with to this day, and still consider them close to me. As for school, back in Arizona I would have been a ninth-grader in the top class of a Jr. High. Here I was going to be in the bottom class of a four-year High School. I was terrified. I was small for my age as it was. And how would I ever navigate around that huge school, and how would I ever have the courage to talk to strangers and ask for help.

I wouldn't use my assigned locker because I was too afraid that if I took the time to find my locker to put books away, I wouldn't find my next class quickly enough in order to not be tardy. So I lugged my entire days worth of textbooks with me all day. One day I tripped and fell on the stairs. The first bell had already rung. I frantically tried to collect the loose papers and books as fast as I could. I heard a voice, "Hey! Let me help you!" I recognized him as one of the Senior students. I was embarrassed but so grateful. I made it to class on time. And I have never forgotten that simple act of kindness.

So many "first" that year. First time seeing the ocean. First time flying in an airplane. First time going to a different country. First time going to High School. First time sewing something by myself (thanks for teaching my Auntie Jan!) First time holding hands with a boy. First kiss.

I often wonder at the world we live in now. I think about the things I've written about here, and there is probably not one thing I'd let my daughter do at the age of thirteen or fourteen. What is this new world where we can open a devise and "be anywhere" and "connected" to anyone within seconds. But then again, if I had to choose....I'd probably choose the things I've written here above.

We know so much more now about the world around us, and yet we are so much more disconnected. I don't want to take a "virtual tour" of a National Park. I want to actually be there. Hike it's trails. Feel the dirt. Smell the trees and the shrubs. Never have I ever taken a virtual tour. I will not. I will however probably break down and purchase a pair of lululemons. I hear they're fabulous. I'll have to feel for myself.