"Packed with Pride"

In the realm of Christmas cards, Hallmark or homemade, this is a pretty darn cute one. If I remember correctly it served as both a birth announcement and a "we've moved!" announcement.

Today, while basking in what little light was left before the sun went behind the mountain, which lately is around 3:17 PM (not that I'm counting the minutes) I figured I better head into town, not just to get the mail but mostly to spend some time in the car while the setting sun beat down on the driver's side window.

First a little stop-off at the thrift-store, naturally. I B-line over to the rows of children's books quickly spot the unmistakable green cover of a triple collection of "Frog and Toad".

I sit in the car with my $1 treasure and rifle through the pages. All that's missing is the my mother reading it aloud to me; her voice changing in turn for both Frog and Toad. I lean my head back on the head-rest and bask in the memory; and strangely this time I don't cry. I just smile and feel a little proud of myself; It's Christmas-time and I'm going to be okay this year.

When I get back home, I decide to push my luck and turn on some Christmas music. Still no crying.....amazing! After we eat dinner, I look at Dave and say my usual, "Well....it's 7:30 pm, you ready to head out for our hike?" I'm sure he's gotta be so sick of me saying this every day, because we both know it's been pitch black outside for a couple of hours now and I'm being very sassy and sarcastic and bitter about the lack of sun in my life; but he acts like it's the first time I've ever said it and just smiles sweetly at me and asks me if I signed up for my weights class at the gym. (He knows I am a changed aka happier person after class). "Yes, I signed up and I'm even going to church choir practice afterward....I'm so proud of me!" my instincts are always to curl up with a book and some form of chocolate by the fireplace; but winter doesn't officially start for another week. I'd best mix things up a bit, otherwise I'll need my own Santa suit by Spring.

Frog and Toad have conjured up all sorts of memories of my childhood in Texas and my walks with Mama hand-in-hand to the public library. I open up my phone to my photo gallery and choose my album of "Old Family Photos".

Joel and I clocked hours on this rocking horse.

The Christmas morning we woke up to this train running under the tree; I can still smell the smell of the electricity as the wheels squeaked along the metal grooved tracks.

The beautiful green velvet dresses my grandmother sewed for my sister and me.

And the personalized stocking she hand-made each family member.

My first Christmas, must have been at my grandparents because my Aunties Jan and Juliana are in the picture (And the doll my sister got that I at four years old cut all the hair off of...but that's a different story for a different time)

While browsing through all the photos, my phone sent me a notification that there was going to be a meteor shower this night. I told Dave I was going to stay up late so I wouldn't miss it. I bundled up, turned off all the lights inside the cabin and made my way out the to the deck and waited in the quiet moon-less star-filled sky; the same stars that shone when I was a baby. The same stars that shone that first Christmas long ago when the Savior of the world was born. The Savior who bore all our sorrows, grief and pain.

I only saw one shooting star; a thin layer of clouds was starting to move in and create a veil over the sky. I went back inside, put another log on the fire and climbed into bed next to Dave. I wrapped my arm around his side, "Your hand is freezing"...I smiled in the darkness and said quietly "Sorry not sorry",. He grabbed my hand and held it closer to his chest. He's so good to me. My hands warm once again, I roll back over onto my left side, since that's the only way I can fall asleep and count backwards from ten to one. But this time I count my blessings. And I don't even cry. I'm proud of myself; my own Christmas miracle.