"This too Shall Pass"

Moab, Utah

Every now and then when my mother would sit at a bar-stool and de-bone the rotisserie chicken I regularly purchase from Costco (a little chicken for the storage zip-lock bag....a little nibble for her), she and I would have conversations about all sorts of things. You know, the typical mother/daughter talk; the grand-kids (hers and mine), the yard and the trees and how tall both the kids and the trees are getting, new recipes she'd like to try but won't because she doesn't like cooking anymore, so I'll make it next family Sunday dinner, and usually we'd get around to a little bit of politics and the state of the country/world. Sometimes she'd have me get a piece of paper out and make a list of the crazy things that had occurred in the last few weeks or months. She knew if I wrote it down, it'd be less chance of forgetting. She was a list-maker. If she were sitting at my kitchen island today as I put away my Costco haul, I know she'd tell me to write down the happenings of this past year. And I'd probably say to her "Mother. I'd really rather not write it down. I'd really rather like to forget that most of this year never even happened." And she'd say "Well honey, just write it down anyway. Someday you'll look back on it and realize that "This too shall pass" isn't just a saying."

So I'll make a list of sorts. For her. But of course it's also for me. Because along with so much awful, there have been beautiful moments.

Dave and I got the opportunity to work together from home. Bronson got to attend a lot of his Senior year classes on-line, and attend on-line classes online from his friend's family's cabin where his group of friends have snow-boarded their way through most of winter. I got to experience my first real earthquake. Apparently I'm not very terrific in a crisis. Luckily for me during a "fight, flight, freeze" situation I freeze. As the entire house roared and shook, I had no choice but to freeze and held onto the sheets and went through a colorful variety of swear words. Fleeing wouldn't have worked too well anyway.

We adopted a kitten from the Humane Society and Andrew named her Freya. She was supposed to be a friend for his cat Django, but she has become more of my late-in-life child. I love her. Maybe more than I should. She has very kissable cheeks and is obsessed with water and even hopped into the tub with me the other day. We were both rather surprised by that but no one was injured and she might have a fur-ball from all the licking of fur she did to dry herself.

Freya my furry friend

We added another grand-baby girl to our clan and another grand-baby will soon join in May. Gathering with family has taken on extra meaning and importance and we have relished in our monthly family dinners. Natalie has home-schooled all four of their children this year and it's been so fulfilling to see them thriving and happy. Elisabeth gets to work a few hours a week and their little Remi hangs out with her cousins. Win/Win. Conrad climbs and cuts trees for a living and cooks good dinners for himself. Wyatt is a natural-born sales-man and is over the moon to become a daddy soon. Andrew has found fulfilling work with a restoration company, and his guitar-playing is beautiful and brings a peaceful to my soul. Eli works with cars and studies money and how to get rich and probably has more money saved than I do.

After having enough of staying indoors and making it all the way through "Breaking Bad", Hand-Maid's Tale, and "Ozark", Dave and I decided to change things up and took several hiking trips. Hiking sooths my savage soul and I'm grateful he accommodates my yearning/begging to go. I had him take a picture of me wearing high-heels since I haven't worn any in nearly a year. Just cuz.

I say why not stand in the middle of the highway in heels?

The "Forrest Gump Highway"

We added a couple of garden boxes, but nothing grew too well for us ("2020") We have church at home, and I've actually played the piano a few times. I'm not a talented piano-player, but it's something I should work on considering the amount of money my parents spent on lessons throughout my childhood. We marched down-town Salt Lake City with the Operation Under-ground Railroad to bring awareness to the trafficking of women and children. On the news we watched cities and farm-land burn; and our country be more divided than I've ever witnessed in my over half a century on this earth.

I had some very good visits with my mother. She is not one to be told what to wear on her face. So she stayed at home not to "stay safe" but because she's rebellious and has never been one to let the government dictate to her. Her hair grew out longer than it's been in years and was a beautiful pewter color. " We had great family dinners, and lots of hugs and kisses. Never once did we keep our distance from each other. We gathered one last time around her hospital bed as an extended family. We sang her favorite songs, and had a family prayer, and honored her by being together as she joined Daddy.

We all got sick. With the sickness of the year. Right in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We had our usual feasts, but just couldn't taste or smell anything quite the same. Sort of a strange convenience for the usual over-eating of mashed potatoes and gravy situation.

I got PRK eye surgery and for the first time since I was eight years old I can see the leaves on the trees from a distance. It's March again. One year since things have been so upside-down in so many ways. Today as I opened the shutters in our bedroom, I looked out to the tree that Conrad had just pruned. It was full of a variety of birds, mostly robin couples. Two quail walked along the fence behind the tree with their little mo-hawks bobbing, and I could hear all the different songs and chirping of them calling to each other. On my walk this evening I recognized a mare that had given birth to the cutest colt last summer. I like to think she recognized me as I walked by. She came up to me and put her head through the split-rail fencing and I gave her soft muzzle a little rub.

My dream home would be a farm in the city!

Well lookie there! I made it through my "list". Some of it I'd never want to experience ever again. But mostly when I look it over I realize how very blessed I am. "This too shall pass". Yes, it's true. Time marches on and nothing ever stays the same. Well some things do. I'll never ever like de-boning the Costco chicken. (or is it boning?)

#travel #utah #moab #2020 #grieving